Giving into a body you no longer can control seems almost impossible. It's daunting and terrifying yet risky and exciting all at the same time. See how I can find the positive in anything? Start re training the way you think. Start now. You will only better your mental state and how you view yourself and each obstacle you are confronted with. Yes at times it sucks and you will complain and moan and groan like a 14 year old that has to wake up at 6:00 AM on a weekend. So what. That's ok. But when you're done moaning and groaning snap yourself back into reality, strap on your armor and release your strength onto the world.
Things won't always go according to plan. Like this weekend for example. My son had been battling a terrible cold for over a week. We did everything. Clorox wipes our entire house daily. Made him stay in his room even for meals; which he now loves by the way. Made him go to bed extra early every night to get as much rest and sleep as humanly possible. Took him to the doctors obviously. Made sure he was taking his vitamins. Drinking tons of water to flush it out. The list goes on and on. Having an 8 and 9 year old makes it very challenging to keep your home germ free. Even if you do everything right at home the second they go off the school they will be around some snot nose kid that should be at home resting rather than wiping their nose with their hand and then continues to touch literally every thing in the classroom. Doesn't it always happen that way? My kids fought lice for literally over a year because students in their classrooms continued to go to school with it. How many times do we have to buy new pillows and sheets? Umm try 5 times in a year.
I told myself OK Britt. I know what to do and what not to do and sure as i'm Italian boom...I get sick. Getting sick with MS is no picnic. Try increasing the difficulty that you already had with energy and strength times 10 and then light it on fire and walk away. It's pretty much like that. I'm still learning so much about my new body and learning to listen when it starts screaming at me. It's not easy. I always want to push myself and "be the hero". I go and go and go until I'm dead and then what happens? I'm useless as a cow wearing a dress. I'm a very busy person. I tend to find it a waste of time to just sit and do nothing. I always have to be up and about, cleaning or organizing something, creating something, running a muck as my Mother said when I was little. I was nicknamed "Britt Monster" for a reason. But now boundaries are the new thing with me. I had to learn when to stop and slow down. It's ok to ask for help. This was never something I was good at. As soon as I made the choice to change my life and escape my 1st marriage I had a very hard time receiving help from anyone. I almost felt guilty for asking and was in the mind set of "No thanks, I got this on my own." It seemed counter productive to lean on others when I knew if I just pushed a little harder I could accomplish it all on my own.
Let me tell you that it's ok to ask for help. I'm still learning this more and more every day. To not let myself feel guilty. Like today for example. I had a wicked long list of things to do. Eye appnt, grocery shop, Costco run, Kohls to return amazon junk, session with my trainer, teaching a voice lesson for one of my students, hair blow out. I had to limit it to 2 things. The eye exam because I couldn't get another appnt for a few weeks and my blow out because let's be honest here. I had not washed my hair in 7 days and every time I used my dry shampoo I swear I could hear the can yell at me saying "Seriously? I'm not even gonna help at this point..." My husband offered to do the grocery shopping for me and literally ran around with the kids and handling them at Karate from 10:30 AM until 4:00 PM. There goes his Saturday. Gone. My brain is programmed to feel guilt and that it's MY fault his Saturday went to crap. But he's my husband and that's what good husbands do. They pick up where we leave off. They got the net when we are falling.
Accepting help is difficult for some. Including myself but it's ok. Don't freak out. Famous last words right? I'm like the poster child for anxiety. If you have a support system when you have hit your limit tell them. Explain to them. Educate them. Surround yourself with positive supportive people and if they are not understanding and unwilling to learn about how your new body operates then set a boundary for yourself.
So here I sit typing away while I was supposed to have a great weekend with my hubby and kids and I'm clogging my nose up with tissues to catch what continues to flow. I made myself a cup of tea in a very funny coffee mug my Dad sent from Boston and i'm listening to my husband practice guitar and i'm resting. Taking care of me. I do wish I was one of those people who could sleep all day. I just lay there and stair at the ceiling hoping I doze off. Yah...never happens. You would have to sedate me like an aggressive hippo and then still sing me a lullaby.
So when things don't go according to plan don't wallow. Well ok. Wallow for a second. We are all guilty of throwing our very own pity party now and again. And again that's Ok. But when you're done and finished, put away the party supplies, pop the pity party balloons and save it all for the next episode. Stay in the moment and thrive with your soul even though your body is broken. And you will value the little moments more. Like watching your husband master a G descending to A minor. It sucks, I'm sick but that's ok. Accept it cookie. We still got this!