A Hot MS

I get a lot of messages and DM’s about this topic. Dealing with chronic illness and navigating through issues with Sexual Dysfunction and Intimacy can be a challenge. I noticed a lot of changes in this department a few years after my diagnosis with Multiple Sclerosis. 

I will say upfront that if you think this blog is going to be steamy and graphic, you will be sorely disappointed. While I know that advocating for transparency with MS is vital, I also believe in protecting the privacy of my marriage. So I will be sharing in the classiest of ways out of the respect to my marriage and of course my Silver Fox of A Hubby. (Love you babe)

I wanted to share a few snippets directly from the MS Society’s website that I think explains a lot of what we deal with. So you will see segments spread throughout this blog from the words of those with the MS Society as well as my opinion and experience with the matter.

Sexual arousal begins in the central nervous system, as the brain sends messages to the sexual organs along nerves running through the spinal cord. If MS damages these nerve pathways, sexual response — including arousal and orgasm — can be directly affected. Sexual problems also stem from MS symptoms such as fatigue or spasticity, as well as from psychological factors relating to self-esteem and mood changes.

Okay so we can justify the “why this is happening” aspect of the issue. But what about the “how do we deal” side?

You can’t have fluid, honest and exciting intimacy without communication. Everyone’s body operates differently. What may have worked for a post partner may not ideally work for your partner now. Talk about what works for your body, whether it be position, what feels good, what makes you most comfortable and even what helps you become “squirrelly“ in the first place. 

Sex isn’t one size fits all. So talk it out. If you’re thinking “oh my goodness, I could never tell my partner what I want!” Then how do you expect them to know what works for your body? I have learned that it’s extremely important to communicate with my Husband. He knows what works best for my body so we can enjoy our times of intimacy. 

The emotional factors relating to changes in sexual function are quite complex. They may involve loss of self-esteem, depression, anxiety, anger and/or the stress of living with a chronic illness. Counseling — for you and your partner — by a mental health professional or trained sexual therapist can address both physiologic and psychological issues.

This was a big issue for me. Soon after my diagnosis in 2019 I had issues with depression. I was completely somewhere else emotionally that the last thing I could focus on was being intimate. Intimacy for me has always had a strong emotional link. The two go hand in hand. What I found helped with this was handling the emotional side. Once I took care of that aspect, the desire slowly started coming back physically. But I will say this. The desire now is definitely different from when my Husband and I were first together. But I think that also comes into being together for 6 years. You grow as a couple and other things become more important than sex. We like to maintain a weekly regimen to stay connected in terms of intimacy. Many couples encounter the same changes as the marriage or relationship grows and develops more. 

Both men and women with MS may experience difficulty achieving orgasm or loss of libido. You and your partner can benefit from instruction in alternative means of sexual stimulation to overcome slow arousal and impaired sensation. Abnormal sensations and spasms can often be controlled through use of medication. Techniques such as intermittent catheterization or medication can control urinary leakage during intercourse.

Men may additionally have difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection (by far the most common problem), reduced sensation in the penis and difficulty achieving ejaculation. Erectile dysfunction may be addressed through:

• Oral medications
• Injectable medications
• Small suppositories that are inserted into the penis
• Inflatable devices or implants.

Women may experience reduced sensation in the vaginal/clitoral area, painfully heightened sensation and vaginal dryness. Management strategies could include:

• Use of a vibrator to increase stimulation and arousal
• Use of liquid or jellied, water-soluble personal lubricants for vaginal dryness. (Hint: you cannot use too much of these products; specialists advise using them generously.) Petroleum jelly (Vaseline®) should not be used because it is not water-soluble and may cause infection.

If I am attempting to climax with my Husband and it’s just not working, we often take a break and come back later to regroup. Don’t get discouraged if it’s just not working. Communicate this with your partner and they most likely will be very understanding. Again, communication is key so your partner knows exactly what you are struggling with. They may be open to trying new things as well to assist with your challenges. 

I myself have lost a lot of sensation in the area of interest. I often reccomend exploring safe and reputable toys to explore with your partner. This may be a great way to explore what works for your issues involving sensitivity. I do recommend discussing with your partner that way you can both choose something that interests both of you. 

Communicate with your partner.

Be patient with yourself.

Allow yourself the emotions. 

Get creative.

Explore new things.