It’s so easy to get mad or upset when faced with a situation that insults our challenges. Me personally I have been the first one in the past to pop off or fly off the handle when the event presents itself. Knowing how to re-train yourself to take an alternative approach may seen like a crappy task or even impossible if you are hot blooded like me.
We can not start a movement if we are unwilling to educate and approach people with the choice to look at things from a different perspective. I started to think more in depth about this over the weekend when I found myself in a spat with an employee of Banana Republic. I had been going at my own pace for about an hour to stroll through a few stores at the Outlets in the desert of California. I love the Desert Premium Outlets. Great deals and nice environment. One hour to just stroll through life at the speed which my body will allow and enjoy some me time.
After gathering a few things to try on that were “must have’s” I made my way to the dressing room slowly. I already knew that the regular dressing room stalls didn’t have benches in them and knew I needed to sit down to get my AFO off and wiggle my pants off while I was sitting to try on a few bottoms I had grabbed. I stepped in and the fitting room attendant greeted me. I asked, “is there a handicap room available?” He replied, “Yes but they are saved.” Naturally I replied with “For what?” He then laughed and say, “well they are saved for actual handicap people not normal people.”
Ok now many of you may just have noticed your body temperature increase a few degrees due to the inner rage you are now feeling. I’ll give you a moment to chill and regroup.
You good yet?
It’s ok if you need a few more moments to real it in.
I totally get it. I had to do the same thing.
Now it’s easy to pop off with the normal come backs such as “excuse me?” “wow bro!” “are you serious (insert snapping finger and hand on the hip here). That is automatically where most of us want to go. Slippery slope of mad face. However, I looked at the situation as a whole. The attendant was young. This was probably one of his first jobs. And I know I’m a pretty cool person. I don’t like to get anyone in trouble. I just don’t operate that way. So how can I approach this less than awesome situation with grace, poise and maybe change the way someone thinks?
So, I came at this from a different angel. I replied to him saying “what makes you think I’m not disabled?” (keep in mind my AFO was on also…but it was not painted yet so it could have been hard to see right off the bat). He replied, “you look normal”. I said “thank you so much! However not all disabilities are visible. I know it’s impossible to see my neurological system unless you have sweet x-ray vision. So, do you have a handicap room available?” He looked pretty flustered and opened one up for me as I slowly made my way inside.
Found a wicked cute sweater and a cute pair of hot pink shorts by the way; so total win win for me! Again, I was not wanting to bash the fitting room attendant but knew I wanted to bring the situation to management. As I got up to the cashier I requested to speak with a manager. I gave him the run down of the situation and told him right off the bat “look, I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble. I am approaching this as an educational opportunity for any of your employees. I have Multiple Sclerosis and no you can not visually see 90% of my issues but nobody should feel they need to provide a medical synopsis to a fitting room attendant when requesting a handicap room. Yes, you guys are going to have people working the system who just want extra space and what not but if your employees think they can respond to anyone that way you guys will one day run into an issue. If I was someone who likes to cause big issues that would have tipped me off. Again, I’m cool. No harm done and he is young and probably not aware of invisible disabilities, but I think it’s important to educate your staff to not rebuttal anyone requesting a handicap room.” Basically, I approached this in a way to bring awareness to invisible illnesses and told him that there are jerks of the world that would run with a mess up like that.
He thanked me for being “cool” about it and bringing it to his attention. It was a very kind and nice exchange of words. I didn’t get mad. I didn’t bad mouth anyone. I didn’t pop off. I calmly and nicely expressed my point of view and who knows maybe it will stick. If we keep throwing different objects at a wall one of those objects is bound to stick one day, right?
Moral of my story is pause before you pop. You could actually teach someone something and bring a new point of view to their mind that they were never aware of before.