When a random idea enters our mind that would be considered out of the norm or “crazy” even we tend to ignore the signals that are transmitted to our souls from an unseen force. Why am I thinking this? Why did I go down this road when I normally take the other? Why was there no parking available forcing me to go to another store instead? Slowly the answers to these “why’s” become apparent when we find there was a major accident on our normal road. When there was exactly what we were looking for at the other store on clearance instead of full price. We have that moment of “ohhhh” after we yield our souls to listen when given a message that we may not understand. For me this is God’s voice.
Ignoring God’s voice for some may be a daily habit we fall into. God is constantly speaking to us. Guiding us. Trying to impact us to do “crazy” things. I recently attended church at Mission Hills church in Mission Viejo CA. Pastor Mike was delivering the message that Sunday morning and I had felt that the entire message was designed for my ears only. It was personally customized for Brittany down to the smallest detail of impact. It caused me to forget that the church was full of about 200 people. There all disappeared. Even my husband sitting right next to me was an apparition of love. It was just me being spoken to. My heart became overwhelmed with such peace and solidarity of my purpose. How I get there is still unknown, but I was being led to listen and listen carefully.
A week later I found myself needing to run some errands on my lunch break. Bank, pick up my Christmas gift from my husband that was being sized at the Irvine Spectrum and grab food in an hour and a half. Again, remember God’s always working in our lives. His guiding light never dulls. I typically went to the bank right by the office and this was my plan until my boss told me there was a branch right next to the Spectrum. So off to the new branch I went. Keep in mind I’m not familiar with Irvine at all. It’s a very confusing area to me. My GPS took me off the 405 headed North Exiting Sand Canyon. The area looked very familiar then it came to me that this is where the Kaiser Hospital was where I got my Rituxan infusions. Before every infusion I was of course more focused on the 6 hour juicing process of medication rather than my surroundings leading me there. I was also driven by my mother. Backseat drivers never pay attention to where they are going. They are just along for the ride.
As I drove past Kaiser my head immediately went to the Chemo wing on the 4th floor where I had been given my Rituxan. I all of a sudden got this overwhelming thought that there are probably men and woman receiving Chemo up there right now alone. Another thought came to me. “Give someone a hat”, I heard. I questioned what popped into my mind as I was already 30 mins from the office and still needed to get to the bank and then fight for a parking spot at the spectrum to get to Kay jewelers to pick up my Christmas gift from my hubby. I continued to drive past Kaiser and all the while still having this abrupt thought remain in my mind and mainly my heart. To give someone a hat. A beanie to be exact.
I pulled up to the bank. Went in and cashed my check. Threw on my GPS again to find my way to the Spectrum which was less than 2 miles away. It was in the Noon hour so I know that parking was going to be a riot. I pulled into the parking garage which was full on the first 2 levels. Even handicap was loaded full. I pulled into not even 20 yards and on my right was a single handicap parking spot with my name on it directly in front of the stairs that led to where I was headed. That was too easy. I got out of my Prius when the sudden urge; that never warns me by the way; to pee made itself known on an abrupt level. I walked as fast as I could cane and all trying to remember where the closest restroom was. I quickly found it still thinking about this “hat” that was consuming my mind. No where by this restroom was a place to get a beanie. The stores went Kay Jewelers, Mac, some body shop and then some boutiquey store. I ran into the ladies room checking the time because I was on a time crunch. Walked out and turned back the way I came. I walked past this boutique and in the window stood a mannequin dressed in a sweater and pants with what on top? A silver beanie with a white pom pom. In my head I’m asking HIM “God why am I supposed to buy this hat? I don’t have extra money to spend. I was just paid and pretty much broke already”. I went in the store, looked around and no other beanies were in sight. So this huge boutique sold one happy little beanie? Ok I’ll buy it. Still not knowing what I was doing with it I made my purchase. Then I flew into Kay to pick up my gift that was done being sized. Got back to my car and GPS’d Kaiser which was less than 5 minutes away. Off to Kaiser I went.
On the drive I kept asking God what am I supposed to do? Walk in and be like “hey I have a gift for someone but don’t know who it is and can’t even explain why I’m here.” They would think I’m insane. I mean come on. I don’t look like a clean-cut gal from Irvine. Who let this felon into the Chemo wing right? I pulled into Kaiser and the same thing happened. Every single spot was taken except for one open handicap spot directly next to the entrance. “Ok this is becoming way to easy” I thought to myself. I headed up the elevator to the 4th floor nervous than ever again asking the Lord “Guide me to who you are pulling me towards”. I knocked on the chemo infusion door and was let in. I immediately noticed there was nobody in there receiving treatment. Again I was told “keep going”. I walked up to the front desk and asked for the first person who came into mind. Christy, my nurse that gave me both of my infusions. They told me she was on lunch and I just missed her. I continued to look and there was nobody in there but the staff. I reluctantly confessed like a scared child to the nurse “ I know this is going to sound really strange but I’m supposed to give someone this” as I held up my shopping bag. She looked at me with major confusion. I don’t blame her. I sounded insane. I laughed and said to her “I know it sounds nuts but God is telling me I need to give this to someone”. She asked me “well who are you looking for?” I answered her saying “I have no idea” all the while turning a complete 360. Tucked in the far corner behind me was a woman sitting alone undergoing treatment. She had clearly lost every inch of her once beautiful hair due to this treatment. I immediately turned back to the nurse saying “I’m supposed to give this to her.” Again nervous I’m sure the nurse said “Ok, umm, let me ask her if that is ok.” She came back after a few moments and said “Yes that’s fine.”
I walked up to the woman sitting alone and introduced myself. Again I reluctantly told her “Please don’t think I’m crazy but I’m supposed to give you this gift” as I handed her the shopping bag. Happy and confused her introduced herself to me as “Hallie” if I remember correctly. She opened the bag and pulled out the beanie which was wrapped nicely in tissue paper. She took out the beautiful beanie and said “Oh my goodness thank you, I’ve been wanting a new one!” Both of us stood there with water eyes, myself still trying to understand why I was led here. So not to look completely insane I began simple small talk with her about the holidays and how they can get crazy and advised her to take it slow. Don’t be a hero and I would be praying for her. We shared a loving hug and wished each other a beautiful holiday and again she thanked me for this gift of love.
I walked down the hallway back towards the elevator thanking God and that every piece of this puzzle made sense now. It was all part of his plan and because I listened to His guidance everything panned out the way it was supposed to. I was suggested to go to the different bank branch, which led me to drive past Kaiser, which led to the task I was given. I was given a front row parking spot allowing me to get in and out of the Spectrum faster, walked past a shop window where the beanie was practically waving at me for purchase, was given another front row parking spot at Kaiser and then the only woman in the chemo wing was right there waiting for me. Everything lined up exactly the way He wanted. This is the power of God at work in our lives.
Taped to the inside of the beanie’s wrapping I had stuck a card from my church. I do wonder if she was even a believer. I wonder and would love to see her Sunday morning. Believer or not this was God’s job for me today. Though I may still not understand this task I was given I know that questionable or not it was His will for me and Hallie to meet.
Moral of my ranting and ongoing tales of finger clenching suspense is that we must never question God. We must constantly remind ourselves to open our ears to him and not just listen but to “do” as well. What is the good of just being a good listener if you are never going to act on what you have learned from listening. Don’t ask questions, just be silent and listen. Follow where you are being led and you will always be surprised at what unfolds. I listened and pray that I made a difference e today for Hallie. God has a plan and if we listen to his direction we allow Him to unfold his masterpiece for our lives.