Making adjustments is obviously a good idea when a chronic and forever illness is bestowed upon you. We tend to typically make semi-permanent changes and before you know it we are right back to where we started. It all starts with a “I’m only going to have 1 cookie.” Yah right…I said that and then 20 mins later I was 8 cookies deep into denial and self-loathing. I could hear the home made Italian biscotti’s practically laughing at me as I took each bite. I could also imagine that they were shaking their little Italian cookie fists as me as well.
Holiday’s are always that time of year where the gloves come off and it’s game on and so low nutrition. Does it really matter you ask? I’m going to go with 100% IT MATTERS! Not only did I fall off the wagon this holiday season but I pretty much blew up the track the wagon rolled on. Then I blew up the wagon and all it’s little wagon babies as well. Juicing didn’t happen. Carbs were injected in copious amounts. And the empty sparkling apple cider bottles were stacking up in the garage. I’m pretty sure I heard my blender yelling at me to stick something in it and I’m craving my Mother’s meatballs. I went deep people. I went deep. I’m now trying to pry my way out of the mess I made.
I have officially given myself another 48 hours to mess up before the New Year Begins and back on track I go. Basically I’m not only going to be getting back on track but it seems I will be building the track as well. I have noticed that by using our at home recumbent bicycle that my left leg seems to be getting a wee bit stronger. I am also not in a massive flare up anymore which is great. Considering my diet this month I am honestly shocked my leg didn’t just fall off my body completely.
I’m going on day 3 without using my cane which only makes me think that the Rituxan is working now that it’s been in my system for a little over 2 months. It is a bit off putting at the same time in the respect that for almost 3 months I’ve been walking with my walking cane and now the past 3 days I am cane free. People are confused. Which why do I care right? Still walking slow and with a super “swag” tilt which I think makes me look super hip and trendy. See? Again, perspective people! I guess it’s the excitement people have been sharing towards me saying “Oh how awesome you’re cane free!” or the quick and simple “No cane!” response. I’ve learned to just nod and say “nope not today!” or the polite “Today’s a good day!”. It’s better than saying “Hey right now nope I’m trying to strengthen my junk leg but I will need to use it again and that’s ok for when I have another flare up. Stay tuned for it’s next appearance in the Brittany’s MS Show.” It’s funny though because I can see how people fighting this battle become so accustomed to getting their feelings hurt. When you hear the positivity spewing from people when they see you without your mobility aid and then you know in the back of your mind plus reality that they WILL see you again with it; it is disheartening to say the least.
I am blessed in a sense that I never have had strangers harass me for parking in handicap spots. I hear horror stories of warriors being verbally attacked by judgmental people. I like to think it’s because I have a rather harsh exterior if you start to dissect my body art. Maybe I look scary enough that that mouthy ones of the world feel it’s better to stay quiet. But who knows? Maybe my stranger danger verbal attack will surface one day. So far I’m lucky in this sense. But if and when that day comes let it roll baby. Roll it off and keep going.
In the midst of my random babbling for the day I hope that somewhere out there I have made someone view their journey in a more positive light. Fingers crossed.