Now that I knew my odd's, making the choice to do something about it was an easy one. I guess I had the mindset of "Well, I already have Multiple Sclerosis. I don't need another problem in my future." Making the decision to undergo a Mastectomy was bittersweet but I knew it needed to be done. I remember making jokes in the consultation appointment with my breast surgeon that finally she said "It's ok to be nervous." Apparently my humorous front wasn't fooling Dr. Anderson. I wasn't about to let my guard down though. That is the second I start to crack under pressure.
Dr. Anderson was such an incredible surgeon. Informative, realistic, kind, amazing bed side manner and didn't sugar coat a thing. She approached my case with sensitivity, care and strategy to give me the best result. She partnered with my plastic surgeon Dr. Lee who in my opinion is a miracle worker. My team was designed for me. I felt confident and blessed. Remember though, this was round 3 of Dr's. Three times a charm they always say.
We discussed my options, going flat, implants, diep flap reconstruction, recovery times etc. I was strategic about my decision. Knowing my MS was lingering in the background I wanted to keep that in mind when we made the choice of which direction to go for surgery. I decided to go with silicone implants as I wanted my "foobs" to appear very natural. I loved the idea of using my own bodies fat to simulate a breast but the recovery time and scarring wasn't something I wanted to put my body through.
We scheduled the surgery and plans were in motion. Bilateral Mastectomy with Lymph Node Removal.
FLIPPING THE SCRIPT
Normally this would be a time of intense emotions, fear, anxiety, pre surgery panic attacks and sulking during the weeks leading up to surgery. If you are a returning reader of mine than you know that if I allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of doom the likelihood of me getting stuck there is high. So I run in the other direction. If we were not in a pandemic I had planned on having a "Bye Bye Boobie" party. So I improvised as well as I could.
I read through article after article on preparing for your Mastectomy Surgery. What post op supplies are the best, how to get used to sleeping on your back, body pillows, button up pajamas, drain holders, how to empty out your drains. I will tell you what...the women that write these articles are Goddesses. Of course my surgeons made some great suggestions but of course they can't send you home with every piece of information you are going to need.
I honestly turned the months leading up to my surgery date as fun as possible. I shopped online like it was a baby shower.
* Button down Pajamas from Victoria's Secret- in various prints
* Drain Holders- Multiple styles in case one didn't work
* Body Wipes- since I wouldn't be allowed to shower until my drains were removed
* Mastectomy pillow
* Front Closing Bras - Designed by AnaOno Intimates
* Sleeping Eye Mask
* New Slippers
* Facial Masques
* Loose button down shirts
* Spa Candles
I remember wanting to pay tribute to my breasts so I did an at home photoshoot with myself. I thanked them. I admired them and explained to them we would say goodbye soon. Yes my husband walked in on me talking to my boobs...
I wanted to embrace the old and welcome in the new. I was grieving yes but I was more at peace to know this surgery would lessen my risk of hearing the "C" word one day. That alone made me confident and reassured in my decision.
A few times I got my foot stuck in the rabbit hole but never fell in entirely. My husband was my rock during this process. He gave me a sense of security of knowing that he would be by myside the entire process. I can't tell you how many times he said "You are going to be stunning." Of course I feared him viewing my body differently. I feared not being considered sexy anymore. I knew that my nipples would not be able to be kept. I didn't want to feel alien like. I carried so much guilt. Guilt I didn't cause directly but that was a result of bad genes I suppose. Just a few months after our wedding I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and a few months after that diagnosed with the Chek2 Mutation. I felt as though he got "ripped off" in the Wife department. Yet everyday he assured me he was the luckiest man alive and he wouldn't have me any other way.
There were nights I ugly cried on his chest simply from the fear of never undergoing any kind of surgery before. Now looking back I consider myself a pro. I was terrified of walking up during the surgery. Yes I used to watch Grey's Anatomy. I've seen the dramatizations of the most unrealistic medical practice. But somehow it was still possible in my imagination.
I started sending close friends random "boobie" pics as a joke to keep the mood light and because I figured "well, they might as well see them while they still exist." It got quite a chuckle.
BUT THEY'RE MY BOOBIES
Having a solid support system for me was key. I know this isn't something everyone has yet it's pivotal while going through such a personal surgery. Talk to your friends. Be confident in your decision while explaining your plan to your family. Trust me. Everyone's going to have an opinion but stay true to your own instincts and voice. Friends and family may think that their two cents supersedes the medical recommendation given by your medical team. Stay the course! Be gracious. Be thankful. But you do you boo!
Meet the lace front closure: your new favorite addition to the lingerie drawer. This front closure bra features gorgeous lace, fully lined soft cups, elegant decorative seams and the AnaOno super soft modal material that add a rich feeling, not to mention comfort. Did we mention she's pocketed?
This is a versatile, wire-free bralette you'll wear well beyond your recovery. Made with built-in pockets, the lace front closure bra makes it easy to slip in lightweight breast forms or prostheses, if you desire a more balanced look. It's just as comfortable to wear without inserts or post-reconstruction. Simply use the adjustable sexy dual straps and the easy front closure to get the perfect fit. Thanks to the lovely lace paired with modal, this bra is incredibly comfortable and undeniably sexy.
Knowing that I was significantly downsizing it was down to toss the old collection. Natural 36E- Current Foobs 235cc
Did I use my Mastectomy as an excuse to shop excessively? You bet your bottom dollar I did!