I wanted to introduce my husband John to you all. Where do I even begin? This man I credit to so much joy in my life.
But lets start in the beginning. Before I met him my life was really in turmoil. I was meeting bad people, falling into bad situations, had no self esteem was really just at the lowest low of my life. I had found myself being warped into the trap of a narcissistic wack job that pulled wool over my eyes for years. Later after already saying “I do” came to find out he was a drug user and addict which I knew NOTHING of this world. I’ve never been one to even drink much let alone know about drug use. I unfortunately in the state low I was in thought this was the best I would ever get and settled. I wouldn’t even say I settled but I was becoming more and more self-destructive. My world and soul was gone. I was a shell of someone I used to know. She was long long gone. I had lost a relationship with my family because everyone knew I needed to leave this marriage but I was not strong enough to break free. Almost like a Stockholm syndrome sort of deal. I was in deep and there was no way out of this. It got to the point where I started to open back up to my family about what was really going on in my life and with my marriage at the time. I had lost all sight of God and thought he was punishing me with this life that I would have to endure.
It was on a chilly night in early fall where I was driving and was so distraught I had to pull over. I hadn’t talked to God in a long time. I broke down and threw my hands up and said “Please take this all away from me. Lead me to the life you want me to life. Whatever direction you want me to go in I will gladly RUN in that direction. I can not do this anymore”. I was pleading with God to give me the strength to leave my marriage and escape for my life. I was a victim of physical, emotional and mental abuse on a daily basis and had nothing left to fight for but my own soul. God didn’t want this for me. His plans were greater and higher than anything I had ever imagined.
I filed for Divorce and finally started to feel like there was a small glimmer of hope of finding myself again. Finding Britt. She was like a stranger to me. I felt like my life had been consumed in a dark cloud for so many years. Negativity is poison. It’s like an infestation and is very hard to get rick of. It keeps spreading through your whole existence, through friends, family, your work, your spirit, your soul, your fight to live. It was a messy divorce process. I ended up filing a restraining order against him for stalking me, showing up at my office and threatening me. I was granted the longest restraining order that can be given and he was ordered to attend battering classes which the court never enforced so he got away without doing it. People like that never change though. Wouldn’t have done much good.
After I left I moved back home with my family for support and to be in a solid stable environment full of light and love. My family really pulled me out of this hell I was drowning in. 4 parents with the same goal is almost like a small army. Everyone was on board with helping me get back to Britt. I got a different job. It wasn’t great but it paid bills and was fine for the time being. I was not in any way shape or form interested in dating again for a while even though it had almost been a year since leaving my ex.
I had a court date one morning to make a few adjustments on the restraining order as my ex was still trying to pry his way back into my life. He was still trying to invest my soul that I was protecting so carefully. I had made plans to visit the court house on a Wednesday. That morning my boss texted me saying “I’m sorry but you need to go tomorrow instead”. Thursday came and same story from him. Finally he said “just go handle it on Friday”. I just wanted to get everything solidified and handled. Waiting 2 more days just irritated me. Remember that whole “God has a plan” thing? Yeah, that’s all real.
I had gone to the court house Friday morning, parked walked in and waiting on a bench outside the office door that I needed as they were not quite open yet. I sat waited, checked facebook. About 5 minutes after sitting down a man in a suit walked over and sat on the bench next to me. I noticed he was dressed nicely, fantastic hair, silver grey and styled back sleek and professional. I thought maybe he was a lawyer. Then I noticed tattoos on his hands like mine and then I thought well maybe he’s an artistic lawyer. He said hello and I said hello back. He made small talk saying “what are you here for?” I told him to be honest and also throw some humor in the mix “ I am polishing up some details on a 5 year restraining order from Satan”. I asked him what he was here for. He replied with “I just was granted full physical and legal custody of my two kids from Satanette”. We laughed and both seemed very comfortable with how honest we were being with a complete stranger. There was something about his eyes that made me feel safe. Like I knew him, my soul knew him yet we had never met before.
I wasn’t supposed to be there. Yet I was and there he was and we had a pull towards each other to know who the other was. I never believed at love at first sight. I believe if you want something enough you can really create exactly what you’re looking for in your own mind and warp reality as a whole. I was NOT looking for anyone. I had major trust issues and had been hurt for years and years from men and people even before my ex husband. I was strangely and indescribably comfortable and trusting of him. It had to be God saying “here you need each other”. He asked for my number to call on me like a perfect gentleman. We went on our first date which consisted of coffee and a ride on his motorcycle (which my parents were not so thrilled about) and we exchanged stories, our dreams, laughs and felt like we knew each other forever. After that date we scheduled another one, and another and before you knew it he introduced me to his two children, a son and daughter who I feel head over heels in love with. Their mother was cut from the same cloth as my ex husband so she was not really around for the kids. John was raising them on his own and trying to make it by without going crazy. He needed me just as much as I needed him. It was so long since I had known what a happy and healthy relationship was really like.
We dated and 4 months after meeting him he asked me to move in. We cohabitated so easy together. Everything was so easy and simple for us. The kids found the new adjustment to be easy as well which was a blessing. They called me “Mama Britt Britt” which was a little nickname they gave me after telling me I felt like their Mom. Soon later it became a permanent “Mom”. I could never have children of my own so it was an easy adjustment for me as I’m great with kids and came from a family that even though some weren’t blood, they were still family no matter what. A year later we bought a home in Mission Viejo CA and 6 months after that John asked me to marry him. My whole life had gone from dark and alone to light and full of love and trust. I trusted this man and be built me up daily. Pushed me to become stronger, emotionally, mentally and physically. Always believed in me. Always encouraged me even when my artistic eccentricities came into play and probably gave him whiplash. He encouraged me anyways and still does every day.
I credit my joy and happiness to him and our kids and family. I would not be where I am today and who I am today without my husband. God knew I was supposed to be there at that court house on Friday. I was supposed to have the terrible job I hated. So my boss would tell me I couldn’t go to the court house earlier that week. I was supposed to marry my ex to file divorce and find my strength again, and to file a restraining order against him and meet John that day. Everything was part of a bigger plan that was unfolding. And is still unfolding.
June 1st we got married. July 1st we honeymooned in Cancun. July 8th we bought our puppy that we found out was dying from Parvo and 2 months later I was diagnosed with Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. We went from our highest high to our biggest struggle as a family. And you know what? That’s ok!
A good husband listens and lets you cry even though you are literally not even crying about anything. You just get overwhelmed with emotions and need to let it go. He holds you and tells you “let it out its ok”. I good husband is patient with you and doesn’t get embarrassed that his 30 year old wife is walking next to him with a cane. A good husband busts he behind at work and then comes home to make you fresh fish and veggies for dinner so dinner is ready and done right when you get home because you get home later than he does. A good husband spends hours reading about your new diagnosis to get a better understanding of exactly what his wife is going through. A good husband tells you daily “ we will get through this and there is nothing you can’t do”. A good husband is what I have. I am beyond blessed and thank God daily for putting this man into my life. I could not do this without you John. You are my strength, my inspiration, my partner, my lover, my protector. I love you is never enough…