I’m decided the best thing I could do right now is to get on the computer and and blog about what is going on through my head right now. I haven’t had many “panic” moments in this process of diagnosis thus far but here we go kids. Panic Mode # 1 is commencing. Tomorrow is my first Rituxan infusion. The fact that this is considered chemo still gives me the heebie geebies. I’ve been in a pretty solid mental start in regards to all of this but a few moments ago I allowed my brain to get real. Thinking of sitting there for 6-7 hours. In a chair that is hopefully a recliner. Lined up with others that are undergoing chemo treatments for MS and Cancer and who knows what else. They just line us all up in a row. It’s so unwelcome to think of this. Like they couldn’t take it a more enjoyable experience like sticking us in a movie theatre or in front of a piano played by a wonderful musician. We are just lined up and waiting. With our books and tablets hoping to be able to keep a solid WIFI signal.
My Father gets his Ocrevus infusions at Mass General Hospital in Boston. He said there is a game room he can travel down the hall to. They bring him blankets and food and snacks. I was told to pack my own food. Makes me wonder what the staff will think when I bust in there with a packed lunch, a green juice, my laptop, digital camera and tripod. I am going full boar for this baby!
Like I said I finally right in this moment am allowing myself to think about it all. Imagine waiting for some crazy adverse reaction to begin after the steroids and Benadryl is administered. Blogging is better than stepping back from my keyboard as I start ugly crying. Nobody like's to watch some pretty chick ugly cry. Let's get real. This is going to be a process and from talking to so many different people who under go this infusion I will most likely feel like a super hero the night of the infusion and feel like utter death the following day and possibly day after that and hopefully not the day after that.
Tuesday is my 31st birthday and I'll tell you I never saw this comin. But nevertheless it's here and ain't going anywhere and I will rock it tomorrow regardless.
Praying that I don't have some insane reaction once they start the medication that makes me stop breathing or break out into crazy hives but we will see. "All will be known"- my husbands famous line to our kids when they ask a million questions.
We got this...we may be nervous but we will prevail.
- A Hot MS xo